Appearance. I feel a lot of girl’s confidence is made up of their appearance. Most likely because of today’s society, advertisements, etc. Everyday I encounter several posts, pictures or just girl’s saying how they are not “pretty”. For example, the girl’s on Tumblr constantly reblogging posts or pictures saying how they are “ugly” “no good” “hideous” “no one likes me” blah blah blahhhhh. I am sorry and I know there are girls who actually do have physiological issues but I am talking about the girls who do these posts just to get compliments or just to show pity for themselves. AND 99.9% OF THE TIME THE GIRL IS STUNNING! Dafuq.

Girls, can we all just shut the fuck up and stop complaining about how “ugly” we are? Can we just take a break from looking in the mirror and constantly judging ourselves? Chill out and enjoy life. Because honestly, life is way too short to be worrying about how “ugly” you are. What are you going to be remembered as? “The girl who thought she was ugly and constantly advertised it for attention or just for the hell of it”. Plus, I never think any girl is ugly but if you ever actually were ugly, showing pity for yourself isn’t going to fix it so why do it?

Alright, now that I am done with all of that, I will just update you on some stuff. My parents are officially graduated from therapy on their marriage problems, so everything is back to normal. Also, I don’t think many of you have seen this because I’ve only mentioned him a few times on Twitter but if me mentioning the name Cole rings a bell, that’s my wonderful boyfriend of a month and a half, so that’s pretty new.

Well, that is about it for now; I will hopefully blog again soon but you never really know with me. Okay bye!

First off all if you follow me on Twitter, you have probably read about my parent’s issues. I will summarize what has been happening. So my parents have been married for 18 (maybe? Not sure) years now. About 8 of those years have consisted of a terrible relationship between them. So many issues have gone on…too many to even explain. My mom just told me about this stuff a few weeks ago but I’ve been able to feel the hatred between my parents for years. Finally a few weeks ago it came to a head and my parents had a huge blow up because my mom found out my dad had been seeing another woman. So for the past month, my parents have been going to marriage counseling so my dad doesn’t have reason to fill up the emptiness with another relationship. There are more details but for some reason, I feel wrong about sharing ALL my parent’s details about their marriage and plus, it’d be really, really long. But pretty much right now, everything is going smoothly, so let’s hope they can save their marriage.

Learning about my parent’s issues has really helped to learn a lot and I know this will sound weird but I’m glad my dad almost cheated because if he hadn’t, their marriage would still be miserable. Also, I’m not a big religious person but I do believe in God. But for some time, I have started to lose faith in Him but since this, I have gained all faith back. It’s so weird and I can’t really explain how I gained faith back. Huh.

But yeah, that’s what has been going on and why I haven’t really been online much. That’s it for now. Tootles.

First of all, I started school on Tuesday and I got my new schedule. If you follow me on Twitter, you might have seen that I was really nervous. I’m not sure why but I get nervous whenever I get a new schedule but it happens every time. So yeah, I was nervous but I ended up getting a pretty good schedule! Also some of you may already know that this past semester was TERRIBLE. My classes were extremely difficult and I made my first C in honors world history. This semester, though, I dropped the honors course (I kept honors Spanish and honors lit though) and I like my teachers more. I am so thankful.

Second thing. Again if you follow me on Twitter, you probably know my family is not in our best stance. This is what pretty much has happened: apparently my mom and dad have been not so close because my dad has not been feeling loved by my mom who has pulled away because she did not feel loved (I had already known this because of my gut feelings, I just knew). So because of this my dad went out with another woman, but luckily nothing romantic happened. My mom ended up catching him the the weirdest way: my brother called my dad about something and my dad “butt answered” and my brother, on the other line, heard another woman. My mom picked up the phone and listened in. Isn’t that kind of random? Huh. I am very thankful she found out because otherwise if she hadn’t, it cold have turned into more than just casual dinner.

The first night I found out about what my dad had done, it was very awkward between me and my dad and it was hard to see my mom cry constantly. She would hyperventilate and just cry and cry and cry. I know everyone cries but it’s hard to see your mom fall apart, ya know? My dad came home and explained everything to me and my brother. Unlike my brother, I forgave my dad right away. People make mistakes and everyone is capable of cheating. It does not make them a bad person, it is just a way of showing their feelings of being unloved. My dad is only human and he is just hurt. He feels unloved and unconnected with our family. He just needs to find a way to open his heart to love again which I hope the counseling and God will help him to do.

I still have this weird gut feeling that this will be the best year ever. I feel like they will work things out and by doing this, their marriage will be fixed and better since their marriage has been a disaster for 10 years. It will change things and it will be amazing. However if divorce comes about, I can handle that too because that is just how it is sometimes…that’s life. It was obviously not meant to last and they will find new partners and therefore, they will be happy.

In the end, everything will be okay. I know it.

When I say I went through a hard time, I mean with myself. I am at that age where I’m terribly moody and difficult. I am not myself and I am not who I want to be. I often have the urge to kill everyone that comes my way and I cry A LOT. And seriously, it’s like everyday. I will literally just be sitting in my room and start bawling my eyes out about my problems in life. This year, I have felt like I have no future ahead of me. I have felt like it will never get better. However, I need to keep my head up because deep down I know things will get better. I just have to keep remembering there is life after high school. It is just hard to see that life is not like high school because that is all I know about life right now. I just have to hang in there and then hey – I will get my second wind.

HOWEVER, here are some positive things that happened this year. Like I said, I went to Paris and New York. I also went to Colorado.  I learned how to work hard in school. From getting my heart broken, I learned about how assholes work and I learned how to never let that happen to me again. I learned how to push through the hard times and smile through it. I learned more about myself in general. I had some very amazing times with friends and family. Finally, I learned that I do not like to be alone. Come to think of it, I learned so much this year and even though it was terrible, it will help me in the long run.

And finally in 2012 what I want to happen is: I want to be a happier person and try not to put myself down anymore. I want to get rid of my insecurities and be more confident. I would like to become closer with my friends and family. I want to try to get out into the world more and actually start living and enjoy my life. I will also start work harder in school and swimming. And finally, I’m not going to lie about this one, I do want a boyfriend and my first kiss. However, the first kiss and boyfriend thing isn’t completely up to me — when it’s my time, it is my time. And 2012 might not be my time, so I can’t completely control it. BUT the other things I can 100% control; it’s all in my own hands and I want to make it happen.

Well, that is all. I don’t know if you read this whole thing and if you didn’t, I understand hahaha. Happy New Year to everyone and I hope your year is filled with love and blessings! <3

When I got back into creating this theme (which is very plain..hmm), I was surprised by how much I actually remember. I forgot a few codes here and there but overall, it wasn’t too painful.  I guess it is kind of like riding a bike: you never forget it.  Let me tell you, though, putting up this website was NOT easy. There was so many issues with WordPress. For example, my style.css would not update on some browsers. I ended up deleting the entire theme and recreating it. I am not sure what is wrong. At first I thought it was a browser issue on my laptop but then I figured out everyone was having the problem with my website.  I have come to figure it may be an issue with the newest WordPress. I now have to recreate my theme file whenever I want to make an adjustment to my style.css, ugh. Another example is the fact that my footer is not working but that’s probably my fault somewhere. I’m probably missing a code or something. x_x

Anyways, just letting you know another thing. I am not completely finished with all my pages, I will finish them either today or tomorrow. I also need to change these terrible, yellow smiley faces. Who knows what kind of issues I will have there though…God.  Meh, I have really nothing else to say but you should comment on this because I want to return comments.  I will probably just go comment someone blogs now!